unrequited blog

So once upon a time ago…like in the 1st grade I had one of the biggest mistakes in brown bag lunch history. In the beginning of class, everyone would store our lunches (if we brought our own lunch cause otherwise, she’d ask for student’s lunch tickets) in this box to which come lunchtime, the teacher would distribute our lunches. It was so it would be convenient for the teacher to know that everyone had lunch to eat each day.

This was a daily routine and it eventually became muscle memory but with that, it also meant that eventually one of us would done have “dun goofed” and not have food to eat (c’mon we were like 6 or 7). But then this time, I am a victim to this. I remember, that morning, my Dad packed my lunch, put it in a brown paper bag and into my back pack and sent me on my way. In the beginning of class, we put our lunches in the box and began our day. Come lunch time our teacher leads us to the cafeteria, holding the box of our lunches and sets in on the table. I guess this day, majority of the class brought their lunch and so the lunch box was bombarded with 20+ hungry kids. 

I wait until everyone got their lunches so then it be easier for me to go get mine. I see the last sac lunch there and took it. I sit with my friends and opened my bag and see this lunch kind of strange. It was a ham, mustard and cheese sandwich with a side of baby carrots and a juice box. At first I was like ” This is weird, this wouldn’t be a lunch I would ask for my Dad” but not a single fuck was given, I ate it anyways. Come towards the end of my meal, my teacher comes to me and says, “Reginald. I think you got the wrong lunch. See, look at the bag it says Jerry’s lunch.”. And need I say on the other side of the brown paper bag, there was his name written on it with a blue pen and also there was a note that said something like “Hope you like the lunch, Have a good day! Love, Mom”. I was like “ohhhh wooops” and she said, ” I found your lunch, your bag probably fell on the floor (you know because, all the kids that surrounded the lunch box and so on it probably fell)”. She asked me if I finished Jerry’s lunch and I did finish it. She asked Jerry if he wanted to eat my lunch and he said “NO” ( he saw what was inside and he couldn’t handle it’s greatness) so she gave me my lunch….and I opened it and lo and behold there it was, the lunch of champions……A DOUBLE BACON SANDWICH WITH CHEETOHS AND A CAN OF COKE….And guess what, I ate that shit too. And if there were a note in my lunch it would probably say, “Dear Reg, Don’t piss your pants, love Dad!”.

LONG STORY SHORT, I ATE JERRY’S LUNCH AND MY OWN LUNCH…AND HAD THE FEAST OF CHAMPIONS.